In the confusion of 2020, I often found myself leaning on Mahatma Gandhi’s and Martin Luther King Jr.’s revered platforms of nonviolence in reaction to the waves of protests against racial injustice. But I did so out of fear, shame, and lack of understanding — and relying on just one point of view is myopic.
Now, in 2021, I was inspired by someone’s suggestion to practice Martin Luther King Jr. Day as a day “on" rather than as a day “off", so I set out to learn about the history of civil rights protest. I started by learning about the life of Malcolm X who generally disagreed with MLK’s stance on nonviolence.
Though several hours of reading, watching documentaries, and viewing Spike Lee’s 1992 film makes me no expert, I am now intrigued by the progression and evolution of Malcolm X’s point of view on violence, particularly as a result of his religious and spiritual growth.
Another significant part of my 2020 experience was regularly practicing yoga. I found yoga to be a profound tool for managing emotional calmness. Like a mental coolant, yoga helped prevent anxiety from inhibiting my life duties, my relationships, and my health.
As I practiced YouTube Vinyasa, meditation, and breathing exercises, I grew stronger, more flexible, and more balanced. Confident in my progress, I even set out to master physical challenges like handstands. Yet through it all, I avoided engaging in any spirituality. Surely I experienced spiritual growth, but until this morning I have been afraid to see it that way.
You see, during my yoga practice this morning, I connected these dots:
- Negative childhood experiences with religion led me to disconnect from it.
- I don’t understand what spirituality is and I overly associate it with religion.
- I avoid all things that make me consider or connect to my spirituality.
- I lack clarity on values relating to justice, equality, and violence.
I already have the rhythm of a physical yoga practice, now I feel ready to open up to a spiritual one too. In 2021, I resolve to learn what spirituality is in hope that I might unlock awareness and a sense of spirit.
I don’t expect that a bit of meditation is going to serve me answers on a platter. But I do feel that I have a strong foundation of tools that suit the challenge I’m facing. The plan is to study and practice. Study and practice what exactly? I’m not sure yet, but you can bet that if I discover anything worthwhile I’ll write about it.
Nonviolence and yoga and spirituality?
Ok, try-hard.
I feel tremendously self-conscious about publishing any of this because I feel like I have no idea what I’m talking about, but that’s the whole point.
